Since I have put the intention out there about my raw journal blog post, I have been struggling with perfection paralysis and a fear of putting my ugliest challenges out for you.
If you know me personally, you'd understand that I don't hide behind a facade of perfection; I simply embrace who I am. However, since starting this journaling practice, not a single word has been penned. Even my usual writing routine has been disrupted by doubts: "Will it captivate readers?", "Could it impact my career?", "Am I fulfilling my purpose?" These questions swirl in my mind, paralyzing my creativity.
I finally just opened the blog post page and here I am typing my raw thoughts, as they flow, promising myself that I soon as I finish writing this, I won't even edit and press the publish key. The motivating thought that came through my mind as I am typing, is that I want this blog to be a learning space for everyone especially my daughter.
In my line of work, I meet clients who carry various emotional burdens. I understand their pain, even if I haven't personally experienced their specific situations. Navigating through the darkest moments of life is a challenging experience. I've been there myself, and every so often, I find myself sinking back into that abyss. It often feels like an endless cycle. We all encounter these moments, even someone like me, who works as a self-relationship coach.
'The healing progress is becoming an expert at bouncing back from difficult situations'
As we heal and commit to our growth, we become better and better at not letting ourself sink into the hamster wheel of 'playing the victim' and at breaking the cycle faster than the last. Learning to move away from self-drama that do not serve us and pull ourselves from 'swimming' in lower frequencies.
Individuals who struggle with chronic depression would relate most to the traffic of negative chatters in their heads as soon as one thing triggers them to start 'sinking', and the need to remain sinking for someone to 'save' them. This is another topic to develop some other time. As it is crucial to know why we tend to remain in this cycle of 'I need 'you' to save me'.
What helps me is acknowledging and understanding my feelings while using my toolbox to find my way out, heal, and confront my deepest shadows.
Interestingly, it's through love that we become most exposed. None of us enjoys feeling naked, without the masks and filters we use to cover our wounds. Society has taught us to be strong, to suppress our vulnerabilities, and to avoid confronting our deepest hurts.
The best tool I can offer for dealing with vulnerability is to practice this exercise in your most challenging moments:
Identify Your Feelings: Recognize the emotions you are experiencing.
Uncover the Cause: Understand why you are feeling this way.
Analyze the Impact: Explore how these feelings affect you.
Repair from a place of unconditional love: Become your own loving parent
This practice has been incredibly beneficial for both me and my clients. It encourages us to confront our true selves and understand the root of our insecurities.
This week has been quite a painful one for me, I had to face a financial situation that weighed on my wellbeing balance I proudly learnt to keep steady. It left me feeling exhausted, irritated, devastated, and brought back the series of negative past patterns of thinking and emotions. I applied this exercise to my own feelings. Here's what I discovered:
I felt sad and angry because I believed I wasn't enough. I felt threatened, which made me feel weak. I worried that if I showed my vulnerability, people wouldn't love me anymore. They loved me because I appeared strong and had everything under control. When I didn't, I feared they would see the "real" me, and I'd lose their love. This, in turn, made me feel stupid.
Feeling stupid is a common sentiment that many of us share. It's during these moments that you should act as your own nurturing parent. Remind yourself that you are far from being stupid, but simply reacting to a perceived threat. You are more than enough, and it's okay to feel scared, hurt and threatened.
Explore what triggered these emotions. Become your own loving parent, help the inner child in you overcome these emotions, by acknowledging them, by facing reality of events or circumstances, understanding patterns, learning the root cause of our reactions and thoughts, helping shed the negative emotions with a reality check, work action plans, and most importantly ask this question: 'what have I learnt from this situation so I know what to do if and when it occurs again, or to avoid it from happening again'.
When playing the role of a loving parent to yourself, it’s crucial to distinguish between sympathy and empathy. Empathy means being there for someone, understanding them, and offering support without judgment. Sympathy, on the other hand, often dismisses feelings, urging people to "get it together." We must resist societal pressures that encourage us to suppress our emotions and instead trust our instincts and feelings.
By acknowledging your emotions and understanding what they conceal within your beliefs, you can uncover significant revelations. The weight of self-criticism will lighten, and you'll feel safer. Remember, it's not just you; we all grapple with our deepest wounds. This exercise can help you learn from difficult situations instead of running from them.
Most importantly, it will enable you to shift from self-criticism to productive self-reflection, becoming your own compassionate guide during tough times. Embrace your raw reality and see it without the distorted lens of your perceptions.
And there! hitting the 'publish' button.